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20 Lessons of Living Through Trauma: From Both Sides of the Couch

20 Lessons of Living Through Trauma: From Both Sides of the Couch

by Rebecca Ray | Shame

FREE DOWNLOAD: Reminders for Revolutionary Healing As someone who has lived through trauma, I know intimately how the psyche is affected. I’ve undertaken the healing work to live well with a brain that still bears the scars of that trauma, and I accept that I still...

About me

Rebecca Ray

Longing to seek – and find! – a beautifully expansive, inspired life? You’re in the right place. I’m Dr Rebecca Ray, writer and clinical psychologist. I’m here to support you and guide you and your adventurous heart as you learn, grow and explore the possibilities of the expansive, inspired life you deserve.

Free Download ~ Manifesto for Brave Living

FREE QUIZ: Is Self-Sabotage Ruining Your Life?

Over on Instagram…

drrebeccaray
What is self-sabotage? . (… And is it really som What is self-sabotage? . (… And is it really something you need to be worried about?) . Self-sabotage is when we take actions that are in direct opposition to what we want to happen. . … It’s wanting to get fitter, but never going to the gym. . … It’s wanting to be a songwriter, but never finishing a song. . … It’s wanting to travel the world, but never booking a ticket. In other words, it's a whole lot of energy spent on wanting something for yourself, but not taking action to make it happen, or taking actions that actually push you further away from where you want to be. . But why would we ever sabotage ourselves? After all, we WANT those things. . Well, it’s tricky. Sometimes our goals and dreams can simply feel too big and too much for us. And it’s easier for us to stay in our comfort zone and avoid the discomfort of trying, than dive all in and risk getting it wrong. . And fear is clever. It’ll whisper that snoozing your alarm is easier – and more comfortable – than getting out of bed and committing to your workout. . It’ll convince you to say, “no” to things you really want to say “yes” to (because, what if you fail!) And it’ll persuade you that failure is a far riskier and scarier outcome than potential success. . Worried you’re self-sabotaging your life? . >>> There's only 5 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘆 most popular 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲, 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲: 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀. You'll find all the details about the course via the link in my profile ... don't procrastinate! 💫
This kind of self- trust 😍 This kind of self- trust 😍
Hands up if you can you relate? This is what the Hands up if you can you relate? This is what the result of long-term self-sabotage looks like. . You become fixed in autopilot, focusing only on your present self and what will take away the discomfort right here, right now ... even when that means sacrificing your relationship with yourself, and sacrificing your growth and courage. Sick and tired of walking out on yourself? My most popular course, 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲: 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀, is open for enrolment again now. Come and join me to learn to trust yourself again and get the chance to work with me live! . ->>> Grab all the details via the link in my profile, but be quick because doors are only open until this coming Wednesday!
IT’S HERE! . Season 2 of my most popular course, IT’S HERE! . Season 2 of my most popular course, Overcoming Self-Sabotage: From Paralysis to Progress is now open! . If you don't want 2020 to be defined by the same old unhelpful habits that are keeping you stuck in a holding pattern, then this is for you. . Whether it's procrastination, perfectionism, choosing comfort, staying attached to mistakes, refusing to try, or comparison with others ... I want to help you stop giving away your time to self-sabotage and instead, actually do the things you say you want to do. . Want details? Link in bio! 💫
This is how I reframe brave and meaningful living. This is how I reframe brave and meaningful living. Find the pain and look on the other side of it. That’s where you’ll find your values 💗
“In a world where so many choices are demanded o “In a world where so many choices are demanded of you each day, don’t forget to choose yourself. To choose what you need today to keep going. To choose to move away from what’s not working. And to choose where you’re headed next.” . From my third book, The Art of Self-Kindness ... link in my profile! . Thank you for the 📷 @allyreed92 💖
Self-trust is a practice. Tiny actions we repeat o Self-trust is a practice. Tiny actions we repeat over and over again that represent what it means to show up for ourselves. . Finish your assignment, like you said you would. . Go for a walk, like you said you would. . Floss your teeth like you said you would. . Say no to another thing on your to do list, like you said you would. . Set boundaries around your work hours, like you said you would. . We can get out of practice of showing up for ourselves and become disconnected from our intuition and our values. . It looks like self-abandonment and self-sabotage. . And if you’re stuck in that place, I’m hosting a FREE 1-hour masterclass: How to Stop Self-Sabotage and Start Living Your Bravest Life. . It’s online tomorrow, Friday at 9:00 AM AEST (Brisbane time). . And if you can’t join live, register and we’ll send you a replay shortly afterwards 🌟💖 . The link is in my profile!
Hands up if this is you 🙋 Perfectionism is not Hands up if this is you 🙋 Perfectionism is not the thing that will improve your work or your parenting or your domestic goddess-ship or how you show up in your relationships. It's the thing that will keep you overwhelmed by fear: fear of rejection, fear of being an imposter, fear of getting it wrong, fear of showing up as the real you, fear of being judged, fear of not knowing the answer, fear of failing, fear of effort, fear of it being too hard or too much. And when fear gets loud, our very human reaction is to do whatever we have to do to quieten fear down. We conspire with fear to keep it from yelling at us. We make promises that we won't leave our comfort zones. We put off doing the things that we really want to do. We put off living here and now. We put off our own growth. But comfort zones aren't that comfortable and eventually, although fear may have gone quiet, different discomfort will arrive: stagnation; loneliness; boredom; knowing that there is potential that you're not living into. This is the story of being stuck. We avoid discomfort but end up with more discomfort. And so you get brave for minute or two, and you commit to DOING THE THING. And all of a sudden, perfectionism shows up AGAIN. And around we go. Of course, the other option is to take fear with you and do it anyway. If we have to feel uncomfortable, I'd rather know it was in the service of creating a life that was worth living 💗 . *** If perfectionism and procrastination are roadblocks for you right now, I'm hosting a 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲 It's on this Friday, 24 January, 9 AM AEST (Brisbane time), and if you can't make it, you'll be sent a replay! But you need to sign up first ... jump on the link in my profile!
And sometimes waiting for it to pass can be a very And sometimes waiting for it to pass can be a very impatient process! 😅
Because living bravely is worth it, and because th Because living bravely is worth it, and because the only person who can honour your truth is you 💗
If you're planning to make a change in an area of If you're planning to make a change in an area of your life where you feel out of alignment, a roadblock to watch out for is the one that promises a different future "starting tomorrow"! . Procrastination is the most insidious form of self-protection that we have. It's seductive. It convinces you that tomorrow is your day. Or next Monday. Or the 1st of the month. Or when all the uncertainty is resolved. Or when you've finished studying/ got your dream job/ met the love of your life/ house-trained the puppy. Or when you feel motivated. Or when you have your father's/ partner's/ child's/ third grade teacher's approval. Simply, you'll start when the discomfort is gone. Promise. Except you don't - because the discomfort never disappears. In fact, it often intensifies. And so procrastination becomes your band-aid for all the things above. Firstly, please know that we all procrastinate. A little procrastination is not a problem. It becomes a problem when it starts to sabotage your goals and pushes you away from where you want to be. If you can relate, I’m hosting a 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝟭-𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀: 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗦𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲. It's on this Friday at 9 AM AEST (a replay will be available if you can’t make it!). 𝗦𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝘂𝗽 𝘃𝗶𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗲!
Please don’t give up your choices about how you Please don’t give up your choices about how you live this one, incredible life, to someone who’s not you. 🌿
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