Hi, lovely ones are welcome to episode number seven permission and why the only person you need it from is you. A really important topic.
If you want to remove this ceiling that you’ve built for yourself by waiting around to get permission from someone other than yourself, then this is exactly the episode you need to listen to. But before we dive in, I really want to shout out Michelle, who left this most beautiful review last week.
“I’ve only listened to two episodes. But I’m smitten, Dr. Rebecca is so warm and understanding and I love her gorgeous belly laugh. And her words have touched me so deeply. I hope she continues with many more episodes because I want to be brave and free of the past, and I’m so tired. I feel like she really understands. Thank you, amazing lady.”
Thank you, Michelle. And to everyone who has spent a couple of minutes writing a review, please know that I read them all. And I am so grateful for your time. It’s your reviews that helped this podcast stay here. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. So let’s dive into permission.
As we sit here together. Well, maybe you’re not sitting. Maybe you’re out for a walk or you’re at the gym. But whatever you’re doing right now,
I want you to think about where in your life you’re holding yourself back or not being your authentic self
because you’re waiting for permission from someone who’s not you, permission to love who you love, permission to ditch your job and go travelling instead, permission to make art and put it out into the world, permission to not be on a diet, permission to not shave your legs, permission to go to the beach in a bikini at the size that you currently are, permission to believe in your own dreams, permission to change direction. In what areas of your life you waiting for approval as a sign that you’re okay, and to be able to keep moving forward. And how is that holding you back? How is that ripping off the world from receiving you in all your glorious beauty and wisdom? Because I bet it is.
I think our culture has a lot to answer for when it comes to shaping the view of women that we apparently need permission to be anything different to what the media deems attractive, successful. Intelligence, who gets to tell us what we can be?
Who are you giving that power to? And do you even know? And what if you were able to offer permission to yourself. This is where we often feel blocked because somehow as a society, we decided that to live on your own terms is only allowed if you fit the mould. If you look the right way, if you achieve the right way, if you speak the right way, if you blend in and don’t rock the boat, but what we’re doing to ourselves in the process of contouring into a watered down more palatable version of a human being is saying a big fuck usual authenticity. The thing about permission is that it’s inherently judgy. If you need permission for something, it means that doing it without permission must be bad in some way. We associate permission with approval from others or society or ourselves.
We associate Permission with doing things we ordinarily wouldn’t do, because they are somehow indulgent or unacceptable or counterintuitive to the shoulds and have tos and musts that we tell ourselves. Lovely ones. If you need permission, then that implies that you are contravening your own beliefs and expectations. And I’ll bet that those beliefs expectations refers to what it takes to be a good girl or boy, or non binary person or partner, a mother, father, daughter, son, or friend or a good enough person on the invisible social scale of enough ness.
Enter the bitter and vicious voice of the inner critic
who uses some combination of mental violence to attempt to whip you into being enough, like incessant criticism, playing a never ending loop of your mistakes and failures. I’ve seen that loop. Oh my goodness, I’m sure that my inner critic has got a whole set of movie trailer that it plays in my head of my most spectacular mistakes. It also likes to highlight your imperfections and compare you negatively with absolutely everyone. And most of all, withdraw permission from you. Permission for what? Well permission to do whatever takes your life in a direction that you want to go. Even if that thing is hard or disappoint someone or more shockingly, still puts you first. Nope, nope. 1000 times. No, we’re not giving your inner critic the mic, the stage the soapbox or its own Instagram account. Let’s get clear on that.
Okay. I really don’t want your inner critic to have the power here. Instead, I want the power back in your own hands to choose who you want to be, how you want to show up and exactly what it means to do things your way. But I know I hear you. There’s several bucks. there. There’s the fact that your partner doesn’t really think you should go back and finish your studies, because things are going fine the way they are. There’s the side eye from your dad who thinks you’re being a little too flighty, when you so much as casually mentioned that this job is not the one you truly want to be in. And there’s your second best friend who is a little bit threatened and a lot invested in you staying small, so that you don’t outshine her. But what about them? Right? What about what they think?
Well, I’ll be honest, it matters if they matter to you, and I’m not going to pretend that what they think about your path might matter to you as well.
However, the but that I want you to deeply consider or on the topic of buts, is, but what about what your 80 year old self wants? What would she, he or they say? What would they say about you giving away your choices just to make someone else comfortable? How much of your life you potentially giving up, if someone doesn’t give you permission that you’re looking for. It’s an interesting space to sit in, isn’t it? And what I want you to remember most is that the only person you really need permission from is yourself, because that’s who you’re answering to at the end of the day, about how you choose to live this one and precious life. Thank you, Mary Oliver.
10 things that I want you to give yourself permission for lovely ones.
Permission to start again. That on off wagon is rickety, and the ride is rough. expect that occasionally you’ll fall off it and getting back on may seem like a mammoth task. Because jumping on a moving vehicle is always inherently difficult, isn’t it? The thing is that life is a process of starting again, a calendar is simply a collection of opportunities to start again, broken up into years, months, weeks and days. But we can be stingy with our generosity when it comes to giving ourselves permission to start again when we have committed to a goal, but not perfectly followed through the people that tend to reach their goals. And those people that start again over and over and over. Sometimes many times in a single day or week. giving yourself permission to start again simply means that you’re being realistic, rather than being paralysed because you’ve decided that you’re a failure. Permission allows you to take a breath, pick yourself up and continue.
Permission to rest. Rob Bell says that busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to and I have to agree. The seduction of business is twofold. It gives the illusion that we are living a full, rich and vital life. And it gives us the illusion that we are doing well, according to society’s standards, but it fails to account for is that life is tidal. Our bodies are driven by patterns that rise and fall. And this is especially obvious when it comes to energy. If we disrespect the balance of energetic peaks and troughs, it’s not just our bodies that suffer. We need to rest to recharge physically, emotionally, spiritually and creatively. But rather than celebrate rest for it’s a central role in counteractive, all the ways we can become depleted. We say it is indulgent or lazy and even perhaps a sign that we are not coping or keeping up. giving yourself permission to rest is fundamental to self kindness.
Permission to level up. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to cease accepting less than what we’re capable of. We need to give ourselves permission to set new expectations. To cheerlead ourselves to go further than the mind tells us is possible to level up when it comes to doing the things that dreams are made of. Imagine if you were allowed to follow your dreams. Well guess what you are. Because permission is an attitude and a set of actions done over and over again, those things are under your control. What’s not within your control is your internal chatter and the opinions of others. But you can choose to detach from both of these things and do it anyway.
Permission to abandon a project or goal. Ever clung to something so tightly just because you made a commitment at the beginning, and you don’t want to be seen to fail. I have even in the face of my intuition whispering to me that to continue was unworkable. Did I listen? No, because I am very stubborn. Hello, my name is Rebecca Ray. And I have a PhD and stubbornness. I also have a PhD in patients. These are things that I’m trying to work on people. We go gently, and we keep going. But I didn’t listen until I’d spent so much of my emotional, mental financial and spiritual savings on pursuing something. Just so I could say I didn’t fail. Lovely ones. Listen to yourself. It’s okay to walk away. Repeat after me. It’s okay to walk away.
Permission to end a relationship or friendship. One of the most fascinating things about human beings is our capacity to change. Unfortunately, with that comes the challenge of two human beings trying to love each other For all of time, it’s a tough ask if they don’t grow and change in the same direction at the same rate. We simply may not continue to fit together like we once did. Allow yourself the chance to assess your relationships. Be honest with yourself though, I’m not advocating throwing the towel in as soon as it gets hard. Because all relationships are hard at times and working on it is part of the actions of love. But I am saying that if you can honestly say to yourself that you’ve done all you can, and the pieces no longer fit together anymore, then it may be time to give yourself permission to let each other go.
Permission to speak kindly to yourself. I’m constantly frustrated by the between the lines messages, we grow up believing that to get the best out of ourselves. We need to criticise, reprimand, and attack our efforts. It simply doesn’t work. If being up on yourself was effective. You’d be perfect right now. Please, please, please, please lovely ones give yourself permission to speak kindly. Give yourself permission to soften towards yourself. The world that awaits is lighter and brighter when we are kinder to ourselves.
Permission to feel. Why do we need to label people who feel things? We call them things like oversensitive, touchy feely, thin skinned or highly strung. No, no to labels just because you are human. The problem is not feeling feelings. The problem is not acknowledging those feelings. It’s time you gave yourself permission to be human. And that includes feeling the full spectrum of emotion from dark to light. no justification is required.
Permissions To Live By your values, you have two options. You can live by your values, the things that are most important to you deep down in your heart. Or you can live by a set of values that are not yours, even though they may be set out for you by someone you love, by society in general, or by what you think you should be doing. Which will you choose?
Permission to get it wrong, be imperfect, make mistakes and say, Sorry, This one speaks for itself. But I’m going to summarise it by saying that ultimately, can you please give yourself permission to be human lovely once? Because you’ve got no other choice and accepting it is a damn sight more workable than fighting against it. That doesn’t mean that you need to be a jerk. It just means that when you mess up, you accept that we all do and give yourself permission to learn.
Permission to forgive yourself. And while we’re on it, I want you to give yourself permission to forgive yourself. I think this is one of the most difficult things that we ever do, but it’s also an essential part of any healing process. After we make a mistake, you want to move forward, you’ve got to offer yourself forgiveness first.
Giving yourself permission might be difficult at first, especially if you’re not used to it, especially if you’re used to giving your power away to someone else to make their decisions about how you live. But with practice, you will discover what it feels like to live on your own terms and in alignment with your own values.
Only you can give yourself permission to take your life in a direction that you want to go. You can sit on the sidelines living in the shadows, or you can fully participate by choosing what is brave and meaningful for you. Please choose wisely because isn’t it time that you gave yourself permission.
If this episode has resonated with you and you want a tangible reminder as you work on giving yourself permission, I’ve created a cheatsheet to help you.
It’s one worth keeping somewhere that you can read it every day.Thank you so much for listening to Hello, Rebecca Ray.
If you got something meaningful from this episode, the most meaningful thing you can do is to leave a review wherever you listen to your podcast.
These reviews that helped this podcast Make sure to subscribe and share this episode. I’d love to see your shares, so be sure to tag Hello, Rebecca Ray. I’ll catch you next time.
**This transcript is taken from our software and sometimes it’s not perfect, thank you for understanding.
Taking back the Power of Permission:
A tangible reminder to help as you work on giving yourself permission
If giving yourself permission is something you struggle with lovely one, I’ve created this quick cheat sheet just for you. You can sign up for your copy here.