Rebecca: Hi, lovely ones. The episode to follow is one of the feature interviews in a four part series I’m doing to offer you a little insight into the power of intentional business mentoring.
Rebecca: In this series, I work with four remarkable women in business to help them shift mindset blocks and open up the possibilities available to them as entrepreneurs.
Rebecca: Each interview is filled with the most beautiful vulnerability and courage and a truckload of hard and hot truths for what it takes to create a meaningful impact in the world.
Rebecca: If this episode resonates with you, my upcoming 12-week program, intentional business, the experience for entrepreneurs is exactly what you’re looking for.
Rebecca: It’s in this program, the most in-depth and incredible experience I’ve ever created, that you’ll get a chance to experience your own intentional business mentoring for yourself.
Rebecca: Enrollment opens for a very limited number of spaces in February 2020. And you’ll find all the details on my website, Rebeccaray.com.au.
Rebecca: Hi lovely ones, welcome to this series on intentional business coaching. So part of this series is leading up to intentional business, the experience for women entrepreneurs.
Rebecca: And what I wanted to do is to give you a little insight into what it means to participate in intentional business coaching.
Rebecca: So I have a dear friend of mine with us today, Mariah Althoff, and Mariah is a graphic design educator. And she is letting me play with her brain today. I think that’s fair. Yeah?
Rebecca: It’s my favourite thing to do.
Rebecca: And so what we’re going to talk about today is some of the mindset blocks that have been coming up for you in business. But first of all, Mariah, can you just tell our listeners, what you do, who you help, and where you’re from?
Mariah: Yeah, so I am from St. Louis, Missouri in the United States. And I teach current and aspiring graphic designers the tools, skills and resources, they need to build graphic design careers.
Mariah: So whether they’ve never designed before, or they are just starting to freelance or something like that I have free resources and courses and mentoring for designers.
Rebecca: And can I just say that I think you’re fantastic at it. Because I particularly also love your graphic design. And if I didn’t have a graphic designer in Australia, then I would be knocking down your door to be doing my work.
Rebecca: You are very, very good at what you do. And recently, is it fair to say in the last 12 months, you’ve shifted from a service based model to clients to working with graphic designers themselves that aspire to freelance?
Mariah: Yeah. So I guess I had sort of started teaching designers on the side over the last couple years. But yeah, 2020 in general has just been a big pivot for me in that I only have two design clients that I work with now where i is I used to work with like 10 to 15 at a time, and I’ve intentionally like made this shift to start helping other designers because I just feel like I can feel a greater need and teach people what I’ve learned in growing my own like six figure agency, freelance business, and that feels really meaningful to me.
Rebecca: Yeah, it is really meaningful, isn’t it, especially when you’re able to shift into a place where you feel like you’re making the biggest difference you’re capable of making?
Rebecca: Rather than and I guess from a business model as well, rather than selling your time by the hour. It’s a different model. Now. Isn’t it when you’re offering students courses and packaging your knowledge, I guess?
Mariah: Yeah, yeah, it’s a whole other ballgame. And it’s been fun to figure out because I feel like I had gotten to a place where I was really comfortable with more of the like design client work.
Mariah: And that wasn’t really challenging me anymore. And so it’s fun to be in this new place and be challenged again and try new things.
Mariah: But that also comes with like, its own whole thing to really work out and figure out and work through.
Mariah: Like, what I’m, I think one of the biggest things that I’m starting to resist a little bit is.
Mariah: I know that in order to make a bigger impact, I need to become more visible. And that really scares me.
Mariah: And that’s something that, you know, that I’ve been grappling with for a while. And it just keeps coming up.
Rebecca: Can you talk to me about what you mean by visibility?
Mariah: Yeah, so. And I think maybe part of the problem is I have like these preconceived notions of what that needs to be like, it feels like I need to be on Instagram Stories every day, or else they’re not effective.
Mariah: And that if I’m not on them every day, then what’s the point or posting on my feed, even though that just like, doesn’t get that much traction, and I like really, I’m not on board with the whole Instagram reels thing yet.
Mariah: And you know, to me, and I think that I have these ideas of what it means to be in this like new business model and position.
Mariah: And I want more people to find me because I know that what I teach is really important and helps a lot of people.
Mariah: But it also gives me like a lot of performance anxiety and some imposter syndrome and some like commitment issues. And yeah, I think that’s really kind of been holding me back.
Rebecca: Okay, so let’s, let’s just disentangle that for a moment. There’s performance, anxiety, there’s commitment issues.
Rebecca: And you said you had some ideas around what it needed to look like. And yet, what I’m hearing is that you’ve got rules and expectations around what it needs to look like, ideas is the loose term for it.
Rebecca: But I think the way it’s affecting you, because I can see even in your face, like the tension that shows up for you, when you think about what you should be doing that dangerous, evil word should, yes, it shows up.
Rebecca: And that’s where it sits heavily on your shoulders, and perhaps turns into this perfectionistic idea, or rule about what you must be doing in order for it to be perfect, or in order for it to be effective, or in order for it to gain the engagement or attraction that you’re looking for.
Rebecca: And I think whenever we put that kind of pressure on ourselves to a be perfect at something, and when there are no rules around it, and B can meet in a way that’s not sustainable.
Rebecca: Individually at an individual level, then you end up in this almost whirlpool of anxiety around what you should be doing and what you’re not doing or what you are doing.
Rebecca: That’s not enough. And you know, all the standards come up. And I think one of the frustrating things is that social media is ever tried ever changing.
Rebecca: You and I are on Instagram, most of all the platforms. And the algorithm is is always changing and meaning that I’m not sure that you can ever satisfy it.
Rebecca: But it sounds like what’s happening in the back of your head is because of this shift from service based model to education, the base model.
Rebecca: You’re then you’ve then somehow decided within you that you need to step up and make your social media presence more intense, by the sounds of it in order to be able to find the people that need you or at least be seen by the people that need you.
Rebecca: And that’s having some kind of effect on you psychologically.
Rebecca: What’s the effect it’s having? How’s that making you feel?
Mariah: I guess it is that like, I think a little bit of guilt but like guilty to myself. But I don’t know if that’s a thing.
Rebecca: No, it’s a thing.
Mariah: I just, it feels like I’m never doing enough or what I should be doing as like a recovering perfectionist.
Mariah: That is something that’s on a loop in my brain. Why? Which is also probably why I don’t show up as much as I want to be.
Mariah: Is that perfectionist thing too? Because it feels like okay, well, I should be showing up. But I can’t show up.
Mariah: Unless it’s like this or that or the other thing. It can’t just be. I don’t know. Whatever.
Rebecca: faucet. Yes, yes, you can have makeup. be wearing the right thing. have something to say that’s meaningful. All the things?
Mariah: Yeah. Yes, I’m like, I can’t wear sweats for the sixth day in a row. But my Instagram story, people need to think that I put on real outfits.
Mariah: But I don’t
Rebecca: I certainly don’t. Although I did, I’m out of my pyjamas today for you.
Mariah: Same. I so appreciate you.
Rebecca: If you had of shown up in your sweats, I totally would have accepted you just as much as I do.
Mariah: I am wearing leggings with the sweater.
Rebecca: Which is a nice kind of compromise. Yeah.
Rebecca: Okay, there’s two things happening here. There’s what you think you should be doing. And then there’s what you’re doing.
Rebecca: And there is a disconnect between those two. And what that’s creating is some internal guilt.
Rebecca: I’m going to come back to those things in a minute. Can we just talk about guilt for a moment?
Rebecca: Okay, guilt, two types of guilt. There’s outward guilt, which is between you and I. So, or between you and someone else, whoever you’ve got the relationship with where you’ve made a legitimate mistake, or there’s something that’s gone wrong, and you have something legitimately to apologise or atone for.
Rebecca: Let’s say you forgot that we’d scheduled this podcast and you just didn’t show up, you know. And then you said, Oh, my goodness Beck, I’m so sorry.
Rebecca: Because you felt bad for not showing up fine. That’s, that’s guilt that literally happens between you and someone else, because you made a mistake. We all do. But then there’s also inward guilt.
Rebecca: And inward guilt is exists between you and you, between your relationship with yourself and your actions.
Rebecca: Now, some people call this unnecessary guilt, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it it’s not unnecessary.
Rebecca: It’s just pointing to the fact that your relationship with yourself is not strong enough to be able to stand in your own two feet and accept yourself exactly as you are right now.
Rebecca: So the inward guilt is showing up because you either have made a commitment to yourself when you’re out of alignment with that commitment, or you’re not giving yourself permission to be human, and to simply be as you are.
Rebecca: So let’s say that, I decided that I was going to start a walking, exercise program and program, but you know, just go for a walk, no complex.
Rebecca: And let’s say I told myself that I was going to get up at 7am, four days a week and go for a walk. But then I don’t do it.
Rebecca: That guilt is between me and me, because I’ve made a commitment to myself. But then there’s also this guilt that shows up around you when the parts of you that approach the world from a place of fear.
Rebecca: And it’s those little Gremlins that sit within you and go Mariah, you should be being heaps better than what you are.
Rebecca: You know, they’re not very eloquent, I just my jaw fee, the parts of you that are faithful, not very eloquent at all, but I’m sure they are far more eloquent.
Rebecca: But what they’re indicating is that you should be being something that is more something that reaches some kind of standard of good enough, preferably perfect.
Rebecca: And what that guilt is telling you is that your relationship with yourself is not strong enough for you to simply stop and give yourself permission to be who you are including your imperfections, and the things that you don’t have strengths in and the things that you would just rather not do anymore.
Rebecca: Because as you work on that place of worthiness, that Mariah has permission to show up in a way that’s sustainable for her.
Rebecca: No matter what the algorithm is doing, to show up in a way that fits for her in terms of reaching your audience, to wear whatever you want to wear, when you do stories that particular day, to do a post, when you’re not wearing makeup to not post on your feed for a week, if you don’t want to.
Rebecca: If there’s part of you that is standing in your consciously courageously lead self, then that part of you is the part that says this guilt is, or the guilt wouldn’t show up in the first place.
Rebecca: If you’re able to stand there from a place of worthiness and say it’s okay the way it is. Mm hmm. So that’s what’s showing up for me is that some of this is related to self worth.
Mariah: Yeah, no, that lands for sure. Okay. Um, yeah, I think now that you kind of bring it there, and like, Oh, yeah, that’s, that’s that thing is followed me forever.
Mariah: It’s something that I’m working on. I’ve been trying to work on, I guess I just didn’t realise that that was connected.
Mariah: My whole life, I’ve felt like I needed to, like pretend to be somebody else.
Mariah: Depending on what room I was in, or who was there or whatever. And as I’m getting older, it’s getting easier and easier to let that go. But it’s not, we’re not there yet.
Rebecca: Can I just interject with perhaps some maybe some surprising news. And that’s that you’ll never be there. I’m not there we go.
Rebecca: We don’t get there. Okay, Mariah’s rocking back on her chair, in, I guess, some deep level of disappointment, because I did have some secret to be able to purchase worthiness from a shelf down the street at a shop at a Walmart, you guys have Walmart, hey?
Mariah: We do.
Rebecca: But, um, let me tell you why, whenever they and why I want you to let go of that expectation as well, that you’ll get there to have some perfect sense of worthiness.
Rebecca: That’s because from a survival perspective, we have actually evolved to prioritise after our safety. So after the fact that we need food, water and safety in order to survive after that, the next most important thing is belonging.
Rebecca: And if we don’t belong to our clan, in air quotes, then we run the risk of losing our access to essential protection, information, resources, as well as the chance to reproduce.
Rebecca: So we’re talking in a very primitive level, this need for belonging and having approval from the rest of the clan sits in our DNA. And there’s no psychological strategy that will change your DNA, am I Sorry, sorry, I can’t just turn you into a different species.
Rebecca: But this is the way we approach everything as human beings is that after surviving in the first place, in the first instance, the next most important thing is connecting to our people and being seen to be good enough.
Rebecca: Because if you’re not seem to be good enough by the clan, you run the risk of being rejected by the clan, which once upon a time men almost certain death, or you run the risk of being punished or, you know, potentially killed by the client.
Rebecca: So from a biological level, this is pretty bloody important. Right?
Rebecca: Yeah. And so, in 2021, we just kind of get concerned about belonging in a far more subtle way, you know, it’s not, oh, my goodness, my clan going to stop me from accessing our water source today.
Rebecca: It’s more about:
- Do I have enough likes on my last post on social media?
- Am I selling enough? What’s my income look like?
- Do I have enough customers in my business?
- Am I doing stories right on Instagram?
Rebecca: All of those things have at their core, sorry, all of those fears around those things have at their core.
Rebecca: Am I good enough? And what’s at the core of Am I good enough? is am I worthy?
Mariah: Yeah, that is something I think like, my mind need to fit in has always been in like sort of an achievement space.
Mariah: So it kind of makes sense as to why I’m doing that in my business because that’s what I did in high school and in college, and I just always surrounded myself with these very high achieving people and was like, I’m not them.
Mariah: So I need to be working harder, so I can be them and whatever. And even if that wasn’t true, I just felt as if I was a fraud and didn’t belong in that like high achieving group that I put myself in and we total imposter syndrome.
Mariah: Yeah, yeah. A lot of that.
Rebecca: And it’s interesting that you just mentioned that you don’t belong to that group. And yet, he you are overachieving or being concerned that you’re not overachieving. Do you hear that?
Mariah: Yeah. And it’s silly, because like, I was always overachieving, like I always, to the point of like, illness, like I could not sleep for weeks, because I was, you know, getting all A’s or whatever. And it was not healthy.
Mariah: But I did it. And I did it every time. And I mean, I hit all of my business goals as well, every time. But yeah, there’s something that’s always like.
Mariah: And if someone’s gonna find out that I’m actually like, no idea what I’m doing, you know,
Rebecca: Yeah, like it’s basic imposter syndrome is sitting there, making you fear that you’re suddenly going to be found out as phoning this all in, but you don’t really know what you’re doing. And this was all an accident.
Rebecca: And yet, that comes from a place of worthiness and a place well, a place where your worthiness feels fragile. And this striving to be good enough, whatever good enough means.
Rebecca: And if you’ve got a history of perfectionism, then it can be difficult to separate out good enough from perfect. And so it sounds to me like there are there’s a few things going on.
Rebecca: But it sounds to me like one of the biggest things is that you’re sitting in this transition is the word that I want you sitting in this transition from someone that used to be really overachieving, really perfectionistic to the point where it affected your health.
Rebecca: To acknowledging that you’ve met all your business goals, and now you’re going for the next goal, which is working out how you can offer the knowledge that you’ve got to offer to the maximum number of people possible.
Rebecca: Who can benefit from your knowledge, but doing so in a way that’s sustainable in a way that doesn’t burn you out, and in a way that doesn’t hurt your health, or compromise the lifestyle that you want to leave, because let’s face it, we don’t go into business.
Rebecca: Because we want to work 100 hours a week, you know, do we right?
Rebecca: We go into business because of what it can offer us.
Mariah: Exactly. And I think that is why I started my own business is so that I can scale back and be the deciding factor is like how much I need to be achieving.
Mariah: But I, I do I have had a hard time like switching off that guilt, even when I’m like, No, I’m not going to do that. Because I don’t want to do that. Yeah, but in the back of my mind and like, but I should I be doing that.
Rebecca: And that’s what I was going to say before is that there’s what you think you should be doing versus what you’re doing. And I was gonna ask you, what is it?
Rebecca: What’s the picture that you’ve got going on here? That that part of the fee for parts of you are telling you you should be doing that? That you’re not?
Mariah: Um, well, I guess. I mean, I guess it is like what I’m really trying to find is just showing up regularly in a way that feels authentic and not forced and real to who I am and also helpful and not just like adding to the noise.
Mariah: And so I tried out the Instagram story thing, and I do that sometimes consistently and then I go silent for like two weeks because I’m like I need to recharge.
Mariah: And I’ve been wanting like actually wanting to start a tech talk for like months now, but I haven’t done it because I’m like, that sounds like it might be a lot of work.
Mariah: And I might have to show up consistently. And what if I start and then I stopped for a few weeks, and then it just totally screws everything up.
Mariah: And then nobody ever sees my account anymore. And it’s just like a lot of bad excuses.
Rebecca: It’s a lot of bad excuses, if you want to frame it that way. But what I’m hearing is just fear.
Mariah: Yeah, yeah.
Rebecca: And I do, I think it’s important for us to acknowledge that consistency is important in business. Absolutely.
Rebecca: The people who see who succeed who you look up to, and who you’re inspired by, probably got there just because they had the grit to keep going.
Rebecca: Not because they’re insanely talented, or because they have any special knowledge that you don’t have, it’s just because they’re consistent, and they keep showing up.
Rebecca: But what I’m still hearing, though, is that you have energy that needs to be managed, you have a body that needs to be managed, you have an emotional world that needs to be managed.
Rebecca: And there’s something about these expectations that you’re placing on yourself, that the fear is then saying, stop, Mariah, stop, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.
Rebecca: So that’s either telling me that your expectations are too big to be, I had just a picture of an elephant in my brain just then.
Rebecca: And so what came out was too big. Because what I meant was too high. The expectations are too high. Like, there’s the fear sensor in your brain is going I can’t do this. I’m not even going to start because it’s just too overwhelming.
Rebecca: And I think we need to come back and look at what is a way that you can show up online consistently. But in a baby step kind of way so that the commitment doesn’t feel held elephant team, elephant team elephant time.
Rebecca: We’ll do both.
Mariah: I love it.
Mariah: Yeah, I, I think that’s something that I’ve been still trying to work out. And I I mean, part of me has thought like.
Mariah: Okay, if I want to actually try this tic Tock thing, maybe I just batch content on a day where I feel like being animated and cute and fun.
Mariah: And then I can just like have that to post for a week or whatever. which feels doable. As long as I get over the fear of doing it. Again, they actually posted that is key.
Rebecca: And see this is where we can talk about systems. Absolutely. But again, you can see them, it’s the block the psychological block that keeps sneaking to go, if I get over the fear of actually posting it, and if I then have the energy to post it when I need to post it.
Rebecca: So there’s this, the commitment and fee that keeps showing up. And that’s what I’m thinking in terms of, I just keep hearing this energy that is not being managed in a way that feels sustainable from where I’m sitting.
Rebecca: Because otherwise he wouldn’t be bulking so much of it. Like it sounds to me, like you’re about to put so much on your shoulders, that you just you just don’t even like the idea of it.
Rebecca: You know, like, you’re already doing so much that your brain is saying, if you load more onto me, then I’m just going to be even more inconsistent because I don’t have the energy for what I’ve got going on, let alone something in addition, like Tick Tok. Yeah. Does that feel on the money?
Mariah: Yeah, I think it’s a combination of that. And I also and I think I’m kind of freaked out by the fact that it might work once I do it.
Mariah: And then there’ll be new expectations of how I have to be or I don’t know,
Rebecca: yes that is genuinely that’s the fear of success is around our trust, surround the self trust issue.
Rebecca: If I succeed, then who do I have to be as someone who succeeded and do I have what it takes to maintain that success?
Mariah: That I that really resonates Yeah.
Rebecca: And again, that’s the To this commitment issue, though, yeah, and the self worth issue, let me just circle back. Oh my God, I hate that phrase circle back.
Rebecca: Corporate, I don’t even know why that came out of my mouth. I wanted to finish without a self worth discussion, when I said,
Rebecca: We don’t ever get there, there’s still things that we can do to strengthen our sense of self worth on a daily basis.
Rebecca: And that’s the quickest thing that I want you to think about doing for that, as we start to talk a fear of success, this is around, do I deserve it? You know, am I am I good enough to have that success?
Rebecca: And then Am I good enough to maintain success. And one of the things that can work really well is if you start a dialogue between the fearful parts of you and the conscious, courageously lead part of you on a daily basis, so that you can start to acknowledge those fees internally without invalidating them.
Rebecca: So rather than just dismissing them and expecting yourself to get over it, which is entirely unhelpful. Yeah, if you’re able to say, Okay, I hear you, I hear that you’re scared. And I hear that you don’t trust that we can do this.
Rebecca: But I’m going to show you this evidence in the past of all the things that we’ve succeeded, and I’m going to hold your hand while we do it.
Rebecca: Because the way that we develop self belief is by doing the things enough times that we write why the neural pathways in our brain for the new evidence that we have, that we can actually do these things.
Rebecca: In other words, you feel the fear, and you do it anyway, in the words of Susan Jeffers and her book. This is about showing up. Just enough, though, that you don’t drain yourself because the other thing here is Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
Mariah: Introvert, right?
Rebecca: So introverts Unite Here, in this conversation. As an introvert, even things like showing up on social media is draining for us. And that’s even if you record the video on your own terms, and you post it, when it suits you, you know, like you don’t, it’s not even about going live.
Rebecca: It’s about just showing up V’s visually, that is draining for us. And our energy then gets restored by taking ourselves away. And replenishing those resources.
Rebecca: In a quiet considered thoughtful way, you know, working through the internal world that you have, that is usually really rich for introverts. So we need lots of time to process what’s going on in our heads, not to mention what’s draining by being present in our businesses, leading the teams that we have showing up online visibly, and then also just peopling and that might be peopling at the grocery store. It’s not necessarily going out to a party.
Rebecca: Um, it’s there the things that drain us. And it makes a lot of sense now that you kind of say out loud that you identify yourself as an introvert. Because I think this is your intuition knocking and it’s also your body knocking and saying, hey, you’ve got these plans that don’t match our personality style.
Rebecca: And so it’s not that you can’t do them, it’s just that you need to work out a way to do them in a way that matches your introversion.
Rebecca: Because the introversion is not going to change. And in fact, I can say at least from my experience in getting older, it actually strengthens.
Rebecca: But instead of sneaking up on you wait until you fill it up a decade on your shoulders.
Rebecca: But what happens, I think in terms of making your business intentional, making your business sustainable, and making your business a vehicle for making a difference in the lives of the people that you want to impact but also in your life and your family’s life.
Rebecca: It’s about figuring out a way that you can be in business without draining yourself to the point of burnout. And introverts risk burning out with little things like having to social media every single day.
Rebecca: Yeah, so I think it might be about acknowledging that. Rather than saying this as a weakness, see it as something that you bring to the table which makes you often very empathic and able to have really amazing skills to sit by yourself and do lots of things like develop education program, you know, that requires focus and consistency and a lot of in one direction for a time.
Rebecca: And these are amazing things, but they’re also things that if you don’t give yourself time to replenish from, then you’re going to end up hitting a wall.
Rebecca: And so my I suspect this is what’s happening, I suspect that you’re hanging and into an extroverted expectation over an introverted personality. And that that’s what the visibility thing.
Rebecca: And then what’s sitting behind bash is? Well, if I really started to show up in the way that I wanted to what happens if it goes gangbusters? What happens? If it’s bigger than I can even imagine? And better than I can even imagine? What then? You know, if I’m a bit tired now, then what then bloody hell like? How do I even cope at that level? Will I be able to sustain it? Or will I just crumble? Does that make sense? Yeah. Does it sound like what is happening within?
Mariah: Very much? So? Yes, yes. I really like the idea to have like, every day, having like an inner dialogue, maybe as a journal or something young?
Rebecca: Yeah, you can talk out or you can you can talk, or you can journal it with handwriting.
Mariah: Yeah, that feels really good. Because I do think journaling in general is a really great way for me to like, actually tap into like, the higher level of myself, and I just incorporate that into my, like, I’ve been doing a morning routine lately.
Mariah: And that’s been feeling really great. Yeah. And so I’m gonna do that, then. And that might help give me the like, guidance, or courage or whatever that is to do what feels best and is aligned, but still, it’s gonna like move the needle forward.
Rebecca: Yes, I love that. I love that the first thing you said was to do what’s aligned, rather than to do what I need to do to be productive and move the business forward, you know, because some days, what will be aligned won’t be what moves the needle forward.
Rebecca: And so there needs to be that flexibility as well. But it sounds like because you’ve not spent time acknowledging yourself in this way, then your expectations have either been so severe on yourself, that you’ve actually what we in psychological terms.
Rebecca: we call that decompensating, kind of fall to pieces in the face of it and go, I just can’t do this. Or instead, you smash it for two weeks and burn yourself out.
Rebecca: So by coming back to this place where you can acknowledge whatever it is that you’re fearful of, but then choose what’s aligned for that particular day means that you’ve got the flexibility in your boundaries with yourself to both acknowledge of what’s going on for you individually.
Rebecca: Sorry, within, yeah, and then acknowledge what also needs to be done in the business to be able to keep moving in the direction that you want to go. And that might also give you the flexibility to think about what you can create and then delegate.
Rebecca: You know, sometimes introverts will actually think all the time in business. introverts need to be masters of delegation, because we just can’t do it, or we don’t have the energy to people at that level.
Mariah: Yeah, I’ve been that’s something that I actually just had a conversation with my team about, like two weeks ago, it’s like I because I just did a launch of my program.
Mariah: And I was like, I don’t know why I’m writing these emails. I have somebody who can write emails, what am I doing?
Mariah: I literally got sick because I burnt myself out because I was working too hard. From my bed was writing these emails, and I’m like, this is the dumbest thing. I I have the means to outsource this. Why am I not doing that?
Rebecca: We just reframe down to habitual? It’s not dumb. Yeah, we just do what we’ve always done because it’s familiar. Yes. And again, you’ve got someone now that you don’t have to do all the things.
Mariah: I know. I know. I I do struggle with like letting go of the reins sometimes. Yep.
Rebecca: I think that’s a really common visionary thing.
Mariah: Yes. Yeah. And I don’t know what makes me think that I can write an email better than an actual copywriter, but for whatever reason, I’m like, No, no.
Mariah: I should write this sales email. So we just sent her two big projects, because I was going to do them and I’m like, I don’t need to do them. I could use that energy. to film a tape talk if I want, yeah. So, yes, we’re working on that, for sure. I love it.
Rebecca: So, in a nutshell, yeah, we’ve got what sitting below all this is your relationship with yourself.
Rebecca: And starting that dialogue in between the fearful parts of you and your conscious self, to be able to acknowledge the fact that you’re scared, but you’re going to do it anyway.
Rebecca: And then, because that’s how we do everything in life as humans, especially if we’re out there doing big things in the world. And then the next thing is to acknowledge that, as an introvert, you only have so much energy in a day for certain tasks.
Rebecca: And you must schedule in time for replenishment of that energy and allow yourself flexible enough boundaries and tasks in a day that you can work with what you’ve got, rather than against it.
Rebecca: And it’s adjusting your expectations and your rules for yourself around that so that it’s consistent, but flexible, flexible, but consistent.
Rebecca: So that might mean lowering the bar around how many times he posts on stories, or how many times you post in the feed, and maybe rather than doing it every day for two weeks, it might be that you do it twice a week, or three times a week, so that that can go on for six months, you know?
Mariah: Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
Rebecca: I would do that. Because it feels less scary than the elephant, you know, the elephant of doing Oh, work the Instagram algorithm, you know?
Mariah: Yes, well, and it’s like, I see so many other people who are on it, like all day, every day. And I’m just like, I don’t want to do that.
Mariah: And I like showing off my whole life to everybody unless it feels right. Like, I don’t like that.
Mariah: So it has been a struggle of like, how do I still be like my normal kind of private person, but still be this face that people regularly see on the internet in some way, shape, or form.
Rebecca: And the way you do that is by doing it Mariah’s way.
Rebecca: So it’s not looking at what other people are doing and try to figure out how you do it their way. It’s defining your own way that fits for you.
Rebecca: So you be can be public when you have the energy to be public. And you can withdraw when you need to restore yourself.
Mariah: Yeah, yeah. And that’s, I mean, that’s literally like how I grew. My original business model is like, I just did it my way.
Mariah: And it works. So I like that. Let’s return to my roots.
Rebecca: Let’s return Mariah’s way.
Rebecca: I feel like this should this be your tagline. Mariah, graphic design education, Mariah’s way.
Mariah: I love that
Rebecca: It’s the way it’s the way that you move forward for you rather than based on what everyone else is doing.
Rebecca: Because that kind of comparison also feeds into imposter syndrome and perfectionism and the fees that we carry around social media, full stop, I think of social media feeds those things so much, that it’s not helpful.
Rebecca: And it’s not healthy, if you buy into it to the point where it paralyses you or it stops you from giving yourself permission to show up in a way that works for you.
Rebecca: The way that we’re showing up in Mariah’s way is based on you having a strong enough relationship with yourself.
Rebecca: Notice I said strong enough and not perfect? Yeah, because we never get there. Having a strong enough relationship in your with yourself that you can say Actually, this is the way that I do it. Because it works for me.
Mariah: Mm hmm.
Mariah: Yeah, I love that.
Rebecca: How are you feeling now?
Mariah: I feel excited. I feel like every time we talk, new things are brought to my attention of like, Oh, I never thought of it in that way.
Mariah: And it gives me this like new found excitement to tackle it from a new angle, whatever that is.
Mariah: So today, my relationship with myself to journal away and see what comes up and yeah, find.
Mariah: Find what I want to do.
Rebecca: Yes. And what that’s gonna look like, yeah. I love that. And I love you. And I’m so invested.
Rebecca: I’m so invested in your work being offered in into the world because I believe in who you are and the capacity for you to make a difference in the lives of others.
Rebecca: And the way you do it, I particularly love Mariah’s way. But I just want you to be able to find that for yourself from a business perspective, because I want to see you doing this for as long as you want to do it.
Rebecca: You know, I want it all on your terms that the business doesn’t decide when you finish because you’re burnt out, you decide all of these times. I love that.
Rebecca: Where can people find the remarkable Mariah’s way?
Mariah: Yeah, so my website is Mariah Althoff. com I have webinars and trainings and blog posts on there and then Instagram Mariah Althoff_calm instead. of .com
Rebecca: Thank you so much for your vulnerability.
Mariah: Thank you for all of your wisdom and guidance. I am so grateful for you always
Rebecca: Lovely ones. If this conversation has resonated with you, then my programme intentional business, the experience for women entrepreneurs is for you.
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Rebecca: Lovely ones. Thank you so much for listening to Hello, Rebecca Ray. If you’ve got something meaningful from this episode, and the most meaningful thing you can do is jump on over to wherever you listen to your podcast episodes and leave a review.
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